The 17 Sexiest Christmas Gifts You Can Buy This Year

Heat up your holidays

Buying someone a gift isn’t at all like treating yourself.

I’m not talking about the little altruistic glow you get from being generous. Or that sense of pride you feel when you manage to get someone the perfect gift.

I’m talking about the kinds of things you buy.

You can kind of half-ass a gift to yourself.

I do it all the time. When I have to buy myself something, I’m like Scrooge with tits. If I can go cheap, I will.

It’s completely different when I’m getting someone else a gift.

Suddenly, I’m like Scrooge after he’s been visited by ghosts and becomes infused with the spirit of generosity - but with tits.

When it’s for someone else, I go out of my way to find something amazing. I want to give them something that will make them feel special. I want to find a gift that will genuinely excite them.

It’s how I approach birthdays. It’s how I feel about Christmas. And you better believe it’s how I do Sexmas too.

That’s a little side-holiday I created with Mr. Austin a couple of years ago. With four young kids, we’d usually get so caught up in the family side of Christmas that we didn’t really do anything special for each other.

So, we started a tradition that’s just for the grownups. It’s a dirty gift exchange - with plenty of time set aside to use those sexy gifts.

It’s sweet. It’s intimate. But mostly, it’s full of naughtiness and orgasms.

Best of all, it gives us an excuse to treat ourselves to some amazing sex toys.

And I don’t know why we waited so long to start this. We should’ve done it since the first year we met. Because it just makes perfect sense. It’s cold outside. The nights are longer. There’s no better time to get cozy, be playful, and come as hard as we can.

If you want to give some super sexy gifts this holiday, these are my personal recommendations.

There are so many great sex toys you could buy for yourself, but these are the ones that make amazing gifts. They’re some of the best - and they should make anyone who gets them feel happy, horny, and loved.

The Cutest Wand

I’m still a bit surprised that the Pillow Talk Sultry worked so fucking well for me.

When I used to think of wand vibrators, I thought of the Hitachi Magic Wand.

It’s big and bulky. It’s strong and powerful. It’s not the most aesthetically pleasing toy but it definitely gets the job done for a lot of women.

It didn’t for me, though. It was way too powerful and intense. It felt more like a power tool than a sex toy.

When I discovered a wand that I could actually love as much as some women love their Hitachis, it was kind of the opposite of the Magic Wand.

It’s much smaller. It’s covered in soft silicone instead of hard plastic. And it’s actually cute.

But the best part is how fucking pleasurable it is. The broad head spreads out the vibration to give the entire vulva some pleasure. The smaller handle makes it easier to grind against the toy. And the easy controls makes it a really good wand for edging.

I’ve tried lots of vibrators since, but the Sultry is still one of the best toys I own.

The Most Fascinating Rabbit Vibrator

I wanted to try some of the Calexotics California Dreaming toys because I loved the way they looked.

But what really impressed me about the Santa Barbara Surfer is the way it moves.

I was expecting it to be a pretty standard rabbit vibrator. It’s got a little rabbit ear that vibrates the clit while the insertable portion goes to work on the G-spot.

I knew it would vibrate when I turned it on. And yeah, it did that. But it also did something that completely threw me.

It rippled.

I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s like waves moving up and down the shaft of the toy.

I had never seen a toy move like that before.

And I definitely never felt one that gave that kind of stimulation, either. Those moving ripples don’t just look cool - they also give a lot of internal pleasure.

Because it’s so unique, the Santa Barbara Surfer is a really nice option for someone who already has a few vibrators in her drawer. There’s a very good chance she doesn’t have one that does anything like this.

Pleasure You Can Control From Your Phone

If you watch the same kinds of videos I do, you’ve seen the Lovense Lush in action.

It’s a bit of an odd-looking vibrator - sort of like a bent teardrop.

It’s insertable and does a really good job of staying in place once it's in. Which makes it great for discreet play - like when you want to do something naughty in public and don’t want to get caught.

What I think makes it so popular, though, are the controls. Instead of using a remote that’s only good at a limited distance, it uses the Lovense app and connects via Bluetooth. That means you can control it easily and smoothly, and do it at unlimited range.

It’s the perfect toy for teasing and control play. Because even though it can get quite strong, it’s not all that easy to get off with it.

Instead, it turns you into a horny puppet.

It delivers bursts of pleasure at someone else’s whims. And all that anticipation, intense stimulation, and pleasure that doesn’t quite make you come create some incredible levels of arousal.

I’m serious. Other than new relationship energy, nothing turns me on the way that using the Lush does.

It’s some really fucking good stuff - and it creates an amazingly hot dynamic when you use it together.

I’m also really fond of the Ferri. It’s another Lovense toy and it works basically the same way as the Lush - same app, same controls, same discreet teasing. Except this one is a panty vibrator, which means it gives clit stimulation instead of internal vibrations.

I’m a fan of every Lovense toy I’ve tried, but these two are just plain amazing and they’ll give you new and exciting ways to mess around.

Mind-Blowing Sex Furniture

Whenever I heard people discussing wedges, they mostly talked about how it makes sex more comfortable.

So, I was slow to try them. Because comfort’s great and all, but I wasn’t in a rush to put down some money on something that couldn’t make me come.

What they should’ve said is that it would give me the most intense sex of my life. Which is exactly what happened when I used the Liberator Ramp and Wedge combo.

My lower back felt better after a night of fucking on them. Some positions were easier to achieve. All that was great.

But it’s the way I was getting fucked that impressed me.

I’m talking about doggystyle that’s as easy as it is hard. Pussy eating that lasts longer because it’s all happening at a better angle. And best of all, some hard missionary pounding that feels deeper than any sex I’ve ever had.

Using the Ramp and Wedge taught me what “balls deep” really means.

And it feels even better than it sounds.

I was taking them out for everything. I couldn’t stop recommending it. I thought I had discovered the best sex accessory out there.

Except I hadn’t. Not exactly.

Because that’s the Liberator Esse.

The Esse is a sex chair. It’s a comfortable one, too. It’s firm but light. It’s soft but moisture-resistant.

And it just so happens to be the best thing I’ve ever been fucked on.

You can use it to pull off just about any position you want, only way more comfortably than you could in a bed. Your body feels like it bends into its big curves, and then you’re perfectly placed for some amazing sex.

And somehow it felt even deeper than it did when I was on the Ramp and Wedge.

The Esse is a big gift - it’s a full piece of furniture. You can’t slide it under the bed or tuck it into the closet between uses.

But if you’ve got the space for it, you might never want to fuck in bed again.

Incredible Cock Stimulation

Tenga makes the coolest strokers.

Like, I’m really into realistic pocket pussies and sex dolls are fucking amazing.

But Tenga completely throws out the idea of making a stroker anything like a pussy, an ass, or a mouth.

Instead, what you get are holes, textures, and designs that are a lot more abstract.

Some are cute, squishy, and fun. Others are sleek and super stimulating. A few are like pieces of modern art you can fuck.

They’re all incredible. Any of them would make a great gift, and the disposable ones are awesome stocking stuffers.

But if there’s one you should put under the tree this year, I’d say it’s the Tenga Flip Orb Blue Rush.

It flips open, which makes it very easy to lube up and incredibly simple to wash and air dry.

It’s got a body that’s a bit firm, which makes it easy to grip. But it also has some softer, squishier parts so that it actually tightens around the cock when you give it a squeeze.

On the inside, it’s the soft and stimulating ridges you’d expect from most cock toys. Except this one has firm beads encased in the squishy material.

The ridges and soft texture combined with the massaging action from those orbs makes for a toy that can make a cock feel incredible.

It’s a reusable toy that’s definitely going to get a lot of use.

The Gift That Keeps on Fucking

Sex machines are awesome, but they’re kind of impractical.

I love how much power they have. There’s something about them that automatically makes me feel submissive - I guess putting my pussy at the mercy of a machine will do that.

I just wish they were convenient. Using one can be a bit of a production. It’s more setup than I’m usually in the mood for when I just want to get off.

Enter the thrusting dildo - the lazy lady’s fuck machine.

Thrusters aren’t quite as powerful or intimidating as full sex machines. But they’re compact, convenient, and a lot easier to use and store.

And like a sex machine, it’s a silicone cock that will fuck you mechanically.

That kind of hands-free fuck is shockingly fun.

It makes masturbation a lot more interesting. Playing with multiple toys at once is a lot easier when one of them works fully automatically.

Using it as a couple is one of the best ways to make threesome fantasies feel extra real.

It’s some really fucking good stuff.

And even though I love every thruster I’ve tried, the Velvet Mini Teddy is the one that’s really won my heart.

It’s made of super soft platinum-cured silicone. It thrusts really fucking well. It’s got a great shape and size. The suction cup base is a great way to position it.

It’s amazing all around and might just be the perfect gift for anyone looking for a little extra cock in their life.

The Best All-Purpose Lube

I love trying out new kinds of lube. I have a drawer devoted entirely to all my bottles and sample packs of slippery stuff.

A lot of them are great. I like that I get to dip in and choose different ones depending on my mood.

But if I’m being honest, I almost always reach for the same bottle.

Unless I want flavored lube for a blowjob or cumlube for a squirting dildo, I default to Sliquid Sassy.

I got it because I wanted a water-based anal lube to use with silicone buttplugs. But then I realized that it was the perfect water-based lube for just about any kind of play.

Because it’s not oil-based, it’s perfectly compatible with condoms. And because it doesn’t have any silicone, you don’t have to worry about it damaging any of your sex toys.

And because it’s designed for anal action, it’s nice and thick, super slippery, and lasts longer than you’d expect a water-based lube to last.

It’s a great stocking stuffer that goes really well with just about any other toy you want to give as a gift. Not just the anal ones, either - it’s perfect for pussy and cock toys too.

The Only Restraints You’ll Ever Need

On our first Sexmas, Mr. Austin gave me the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraints.

It’s one of the reasons I knew we were going to stick to this tradition. Because a gift like that will give you endless amounts of playful, exciting sex.

It’s a little more complicated than a set of cuffs and a blindfold, but I still think it’s the best way to get into bondage.

For one thing, it’s incredibly discreet. The whole system stays under your mattress and you can tuck the straps away when you’re done playing. Unless someone wants to see if you’re hiding nudie magazines on your box spring, they’ll never find it.

The fact that it stays there under your mattress also makes it extremely convenient. It’s ready for you to use as soon as things get hot.

It’s also adjustable, very comfortable, and surprisingly versatile. It can strap someone down to the bed by their wrists, their ankles, or both. And from there, you can do just about any kind of kinky thing you want.

If you just want to dabble in a bit of bondage, it’s kind of the perfect accessory.

If your little experiment goes so well that you really get into domination and control play, you’re going to want to start playing around with all sorts of gear. But even then, you’ll never get enough of the Under the Bed Restraints - they’re just a great way to pin someone down.

A Little Orgasm Machine

Vibrators are amazing and I’m never going to give them up. But a lot of women are switching over to clit sucking toys. And I can see why.

They’re frankly impressive. They give direct, clit-focused pleasure that feels nothing like vibrations.

Once you get it in the right spot, the orgasms come on fast and they come on hard.

It took me a while to find a good one, though.

The ones I tried were imprecise, overstimulating, or just plain didn’t feel great.

Then I got the Dame Aer and it was a fucking revelation. It was easy to get in position. Whatever it did to my clit felt really fucking good.

It felt like it took over my body. Like it was just sucking the orgasms out and I was helpless to stop it

Not that I wanted to. It was fucking amazing. I had to force myself to tap out - though I honestly wish I was brave enough to let it work me until I was all climaxed out.

It’s the Aer I first fell in love with, but my favorite is probably the Sila.

It’s by Lelo, so it’s kind of a luxury toy. But it’s worth it for the kind of orgasms it gives.

It’s small. It’s cute. It’s comfortable to hold. And it really knows its way around a clit.

A Torso Doll With a Very Nice Cock

Dildos are really fun to play with. Thrusters are incredible.

But they’re tricky to ride. I can manage it on the floor, but then my knees are on a hard surface so that’s not ideal. They usually get sore long before I’m done having my fun.

The bed is ideal, but there’s just no good place to stick a suction cup dildo.

And that’s why I decided to get the Rough Rider.

It’s a torso doll, which just means it’s a sex doll that only has all the essential, fuckable bits.

In this case, it’s got abs and a cock. And a really fucking nice cock at that.

It’s long and slim, which makes it extremely comfortable to fuck. But my favorite thing about it is how bendy and flexible it is. You can angle it all sorts of way so you can get in whatever position you feel like.

It’s an incredibly pleasurable ride - the kind of thing that actually makes you want to get on top. And it’s a really hot way to roleplay all sorts of threesome fantasies.

It even has a fuckable asshole so you can do a little artificial assplay if that’s your jam.

But that cock is still the big draw for me. And those abs aren’t too shabby, either.

A Weirdly Amazing Vibrator

The Snail is a vibrator that looks, well, like a snail.

And it completely confused me when I first saw it. I looked at the picture for so long, it’s like I was staring at a 3D Magic Eye puzzle.

I just couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to work.

Like, how are you even supposed to fuck a snail? That’s not a question I ever thought I’d ask and I was completely unprepared to answer it.

But now I’ve had my hands on it - and had it inside me. And I know how it does what it does.

The thing with a lot of rabbit vibes is that you sometimes have to pick how it pleasures you.

If you hold the vibrating ear against your clit, you’re not getting the stimulation you’d get from thrusting it inside you.

But if you fuck yourself silly with it, the rabbit ear will keep pulling away from your clit - and taking its vibrations with it.

The Snail manages to solve this because it by unfurling when you fuck yourself with it.

You can go thrust-happy with the internal vibrator, and the external shell-shaped vibrator will stay pressed up against the clit where it should be.

It’s kind of a weird toy, but that’s exactly why it works so well. That’s how it can give all the thrusting and internal vibrations you want and all the clit simulation you need, with none of the interruptions you’re used to.

Flavored Lubes That Are Actually Delicious

Flavored lube is one of those sneaky gifts. Because it doesn’t matter who’s giving it to who - it’s a gift for the both of you.

If you’re the cocksucker in the relationship, a bottle of flavored lube means you’ll turn your skilled performance into a tasty treat.

If you’re the blowjob recipient, flavored lube means you’ll be getting your knob slobbed extra enthusiastically.

It’s a complete win-win situation.

Well, as long as you get the right lube. Using really good flavored lube is going to make the blowjob even more enjoyable. But using the wrong kind is going to make you wish you had kept the dick plain.

I’ve tried some bad ones. They can taste cheaply artificial, have some bitter undertones, or just leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Thankfully, there are a lot of really good ones that taste as good as they sound.

My go-to flavored lube brand is Jo. Their Jo Gelato flavors make a cock taste like dessert - I’ve given quite a few chocolate mint blowjobs because of them.

The ones I love the most, though, are the Jo Candy Shop lubes. They’re super sweet but in a really appealing way. And yes, sucking a cotton candy cock is just as yummy as it sounds.

The Perfect Toy for Your Sweet Anal Unicorn

Sometimes, you just want to feel cute. And sometimes, you want something in your ass.

Combining those two feelings is how you end up owning a tail buttplug.

There are so many tail styles to pick from and a lot of it depends on your aesthetic preferences. Like, maybe you’re more a pink fuzzy bunny tail type of person than a fluffy fox tail type.

I personally couldn’t resist the rainbow pony tail. If I was going to stick a tail plug in my ass, I strongly preferred one that made me feel like a unicorn.

But the tail is just part of the fun. The reason I fucking love the Tailz Plug is because of the way it vibrates.

If you’re shopping for someone who likes some assplay but they don’t have any vibrating butt toys yet, this is a perfect option. It completely changes your anal game and introduces a whole new level of pleasure to it.

The shape makes insertion really comfortable, too. And it’s got a really good size - girthy but not ridiculously intimidating.

And you’ll be all set if you want to explore pet play over the holidays.

The Blanket You Didn’t Know You Needed

Maybe it’s because I’m in my thirties and doing all the adulting I can bring myself to do, but I’m really into practical gifts.

I’m all for getting something fun, but I’m practically just as excited for something useful.

And that’s what the Liberator Fascinator Throw is.

It’s not a sex toy that can make you come.

It’s not a wedge that will help you get deeper penetration.

It’s not some kind of restraint that will help you play around with some light bondage.

It’s a blanket.

I know, that sounds as exciting as getting socks from grandma. But this is specifically a sex blanket. And an incredibly good one at that. It somehow manages to be completely waterproof but still completely comfortable to lie on.

That might not sound like much, but it does something incredible. It lets you have sex without having to worry about making a mess.

It doesn’t matter how much you sweat, how much you squirt, or where you come. The Fascinator can handle it all.

And when you’re done, you don’t have to change the sheets. No one has to sleep on the wet spot. You just toss the Fascinator aside and throw in the washing machine the next day.

I use mine all the time and I consider it practically essential. I even have a second one so I never have to go without it. And I bet anyone who unwraps it this year is going to wonder why they never used one before.

The Holidays Are Too Wholesome Anyway

There are a lot of things I love about the holidays.

The twinkle lights. Hot chocolate and sweaters. Big elaborate meals that take all day to prepare.

It’s all fantastic. I want all of it.

But it’s a little too wholesome for my taste.

So, I slip in some time to watch Christmas porn filled with girls in red and white striped socks. I treat myself to some long baths with waterproof sex toys. And of course, a dirty Sexmas gift exchange.

But the real highlight comes after that - when all the wrapping paper’s been tossed aside, the vibrators have been charged, and you can start fooling around, fucking, or masturbating for each other.

The hot chocolate’s great and everything, but there’s just no way it can beat the evening you’re going to have with your brand new sex toys.

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